Category Archives: Happiness

They Grow So Fast

Thick-tree-in-the-fog

Look how far they’ve come.  It’s a helpless feeling to see how fast they grow.  It feels like falling.  It feels like that nightmare where everything spins.  Everything spins so fast you could puke from the lack of control.

I think about how they will soon be like us: constantly lost and searching, worrying about the obstacles, doing their best: broken.

It’s painful to think about how fast we age.  Soon we’ll be old, and they’ll be everything we wish we were again — youthful, full of life and wonder.  We’ll live vicariously through them, and they will ask us all questions.  They will learn to speak and think about all possibilities.  We won’t know the right answer to most of their questions just like our parents never knew.  We will use our experience to answer in a way we hope will lead them on the right path.  Our deficiencies will be built into these answers.  Luckily they know us better than we know ourselves.

We will do our best like our parents did before us to build a system that will last.  A belief system, a trust, a methodology.  We will do our best like our children will do after us.  Maybe not our absolute, unwavering best. But a real version of our best given the changing nature of things.

We can’t be great all the time, and we need to be okay with that.  Humans are fallible but resilient.  We can’t be too hard on ourselves, and we always need to get back up.  We will be defeated more times than we can possibly remember.  Our worst defeats will be burned in our souls, but they will make us who we are: for better or for worse.

Our children will know we’re coming from a place of love as long as we continue to strive to give them our best.  Maybe not our absolute, unwavering best.  But a real version of our best given the changing nature of things.

They’ll understand why we fight for them, but they wont understand why we can’t sometimes just get along.  They’ll only see the best in both of us.  It must be our duty to never break their trust.  It must be our mission to show them how to love, how to care, how to do a good job and how to work hard.

Strong trees don’t become strong without having survived strong winds, hard winters, cold nights.

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8 Tips To Living A Happier Existence

1. Stop believing your bullshit.

All that stuff you tell yourself about how you are a commitment phobe or a coward or lazy or not creative or unlucky? Stop it. It’s bullshit, and deep down you know it. We are all insecure 14 year olds at heart. We’re all scared. We all have dreams inside of us that we’ve tucked away because somewhere along the line we tacked on those ideas about who we are that buried that essential brilliant, childlike sense of wonder. The more we stick to these scripts about who we are, the longer we live a fraction of the life we could be living. Let it go. Be who you are beneath the bullshit.

2. Be happy now.

Not because The Secret says so. Not because of some shiny happy Oprah crap. But because we can choose to appreciate what is in our lives instead of being angry or regretful about what we lack. It’s a small, significant shift in perspective. It’s easier to look at what’s wrong or missing in our lives and believe that is the big picture — but it isn’t. We can choose to let the beautiful parts set the tone.

3. Look at the stars.

It won’t fix the economy. It won’t stop wars. It won’t give you flat abs, or better sex or even help you figure out your relationship and what you want to do with your life. But it’s important. It helps you remember that you and your problems are both infinitesimally small and conversely, that you are a piece of an amazing and vast universe. I do it daily — it helps.

4. Let people in.

Truly. Tell people that you trust when you need help, or you’re depressed — or you’re happy and you want to share it with them. Acknowledge that you care about them and let yourself feel it. Instead of doing that other thing we sometimes do, which is to play it cool and pretend we only care as much as the other person has admitted to caring, and only open up half way. Go all in — it’s worth it.

5. Stop with the crazy making.

I got to a friend’s doorstep the other day, slightly breathless and nearly in tears after getting a little lost, physically and existentially. She asked what was wrong and I started to explain and then stopped myself and admitted, “I’m being stupid and have decided to invent lots of problems in my head.” Life is full of obstacles; we don’t need to create extra ones. A great corollary to this one is from The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz: Don’t take things personally. Most of the time, other people’s choices and attitudes have absolutely nothing to do with you. Unless you’ve been behaving like a jerk, in which case…

6. Learn to apologize.

Not the ridiculous, self-deprecating apologizing for who you are and for existing that some people seem to do (what’s up with that, anyway?). The ability to sincerely apologize — without ever interjecting the word “but” — is an essential skill for living around other human beings. If you are going to be around other people, eventually you will need to apologize. It’s an important practice.

7. Practice gratitude.

Practice it out loud to the people around you. Practice it silently when you bless your food. Practice it often. Gratitude is not a first world only virtue. I saw a photo recently, of a girl in abject poverty, surrounded by filth and destruction. Her face was completely lit up with joy and gratitude as she played with a hula hoop she’d been given. Gratitude is what makes what we have enough. Gratitude is the most basic way to connect with that sense of being an integral part of the vastness of the universe; as I mentioned with looking up at the stars, it’s that sense of wonder and humility, contrasted with celebrating our connection to all of life.

8. Be kind.

Kurt Vonnegut said it best (though admittedly, and somewhat ashamedly — I am not a Vonnegut fan): “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'”

Kindness costs us nothing and pays exponential dividends. I can’t save the whole world. I can’t bring peace to Syria. I can’t fix the environment or the health care system, and from the looks of it, I may end up burning my dinner.

But I can be kind.

If the biggest thing we do in life is to extend love and kindness to even one other human being, we have changed the world for the better.

That’s a hell of a lot more important than flat abs in my book.

And remember, just keep your head up. All this shit is all in our heads.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc%5D

All credit for this material goes to Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-bartolotta/happiness-tips_b_3956114.html